Late, but 18 already.

March 29 was my birthday, sometimes I forget I’m 18.

You’re enough!

Is your birthday a determinant of a good life or year?

Must your new age be attached to something materialistic, when you are very much alive? Why aren’t you enough for yourself?

I wrote a list of things that I wanted, not necessarily because of my birthday, but because I wanted a “glow-up”. I’m so used to looking shiny, buying extravagant things, eating luxuriously, hiding out in my room because I can, being given money without need or without asking, so now coping in school is hard.

It’s hard because I want best perfumes, not one, not two, I want the newest clothes without a reason or a season because it’s who I’m supposed to be, I ought to be studying something “easy” because I can hide behind my father’s money, I ought to be able to go home anytime because, It’s about my comfort, I want to talk reckless because I don’t know better. I don’t want to worry about owning a business mostly because I don’t care in all honestly and I’d rather just invest. And most importantly, I just want money siting in my account because that’s where it should be. I want my daddy to drive me to school like they did for six years, I want to call them while at school to bring home cooked food at every inconvenience.

I want to speak in a care-free manner.

This is what sits in my mind every minute, every day, every hour because I was born like this and I deserve it; what makes me feel deserving of it I don’t know but I know I deserve it.

But, I slowly let go of this life and this thinking for a new purpose, a purpose that entails patience, inconvenience, faith and so many more. I’m letting go because according to Mory Coco, “we are supposed to leave this life empty” so I write this as empty but fulfilled.

For the first time in my life, I don’t want a birthday party or to go out, I just want a birthday and chocolate cake, because life is so perfectly imperfect and I’m okay, I’m not sad, I’m not broken, I’m not holding onto anyone. I’m relieved.

Okay now, bye… send me money 😝