All my maybes and thanks in one
I’m not thinking I’m saying, I don’t feed off
I’m not thinking I’m saying, I don’t feed off
my energy as much as I let people feed of me or my energy . I don’t feel for myself as much I feel for others. I don’t give myself the luxury of acknowledgment and apologies, I don’t tell myself,” I’m sorry I triggered all those memories and emotions”, “I’m sorry but I really want you to be happy”, “I’m sorry but I want you to live”.
I usually just cloud my mind with the luxury of what could be, and will be, emphasis on “luxury” . I just want to live the most luxurious and comfortable life and to you it might sound so small minded, till you don’t have it and no one believes you don’t have it. So what’s the point, I might as well dream and work to be so”LUXURIOUS”.
But, you see, it’s so small minded, it’s so worldly because I know luxury is beautiful but it definitely won’t heal my heart that beats everyday with just emptiness and tiredness. But, Christ can. I believe he can.
So maybe everyday I wake up with tears I refuse to shed , maybe I smile a lot because I have a lot of love to give, maybe I will never crash out again, maybe I will never have someone listen to me like the way I would like to be heard, maybe I will never ask for a hug even if that’s all it takes to heal me , maybe I will never leave my shell , maybe I will seek closure, maybe, all maybes live only in my head and I never say it out, maybe you see me tomorrow after reading this and I will say it’s just words or maybe Ifeyinwa will finally break, but you can’t exactly break what is not made of glass so let’s be grateful for that.
I’m thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I’m mostly thankful for my sanity and God.
vv big accomplishment!
Very big accomplishment, very very proud of you 😍